Journals86
Newest
Last update + Perma-hiatus
2 min read
Hey guys!
I'm sorry for having been inactive on here these days, but there's been so much shit going on lately that I just don't have the time to go through the process DA makes us artists go through in order to post our stuff online. Plus, the reach is pretty much shit on here, so I prefer to use an entirely other platform.
For those of you who would be interested in following my new (and more active) art page, head on over to sojaokita.tumblr.com/ ! I love sharing other artists' pieces and a lot of silly stuff too, not just my own art. So if you're ever looking to see more from me, don't hesitate to follow me on Tumblr! That's where I'm most active.
Also, this will be the last upate/deviation I post here ever. I loved DA for many years, but being so busy for the last year or two made me step away from the platform and turn to new, less time-consuming ways to post an artwork.
Have a good one everyone, and even if I don't post anymore, I'll still come by from time to time to say hello if I get any messages. ♥
I'm sorry for having been inactive on here these days, but there's been so much shit going on lately that I just don't have the time to go through the process DA makes us artists go through in order to post our stuff online. Plus, the reach is pretty much shit on here, so I prefer to use an entirely other platform.
For those of you who would be interested in following my new (and more active) art page, head on over to sojaokita.tumblr.com/ ! I love sharing other artists' pieces and a lot of silly stuff too, not just my own art. So if you're ever looking to see more from me, don't hesitate to follow me on Tumblr! That's where I'm most active.
Also, this will be the last upate/deviation I post here ever. I loved DA for many years, but being so busy for the last year or two made me step away from the platform and turn to new, less time-consuming ways to post an artwork.
Have a good one everyone, and even if I don't post anymore, I'll still come by from time to time to say hello if I get any messages. ♥
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Need to vent - Explanation for hiatus
9 min read
Hello everyone! Welcome to another one of my rants.
I'm sorry if this kind of shit is redundant, I know it is. It's just that, this is one of the only places where I know I can express myself freely and most likely no one (except some of you guys who actually read journals xD) will see and/or judge me.
So, I'm finally getting around to explaining why I'm on hiatus right now. I don't know how many of you wondered why, and I'm not here to find out. I just want to talk about it because this shit is getting heavy on my heart and I need to put it out there, to make myself feel better.
My life is pretty shitty these days. I've been overwhelmed with school stuff (I've just finished my first semester of university, and damn is it demanding) for the last 3½ months or so, Christmas doesn't feel like Christmas anymore, my parents are getting divorced, we're selling the house, and even if the family is still in good terms with everyone, nothing feels the same.
I study in Montréal. It's a big city, and I love it. It's located at an approximately three-hour drive from my home. Because of the distance, I often spend two, sometimes three weeks or more at a time in that city, living in an appartment with my roommate. All that's fine, she's cool and all. She took me to see an Imagine Dragons concert once, when one of her friends couldn't go. But that's not where I'm going with this.
So, at some point in this semester, I had spent about a month away from home. All I could do to keep contact with my family through that time was to call or text them. I couldn't go see them since I don't have my own vehicle (as owning a car in Montréal is basically BEGGING to be caught in traffic or hit by some rage-stricken drivers) and my parents couldn't come down to see me on weekends, since they were busy with stuff. And, as I mentioned earlier, a month after my last visit home, I was finally given the opportunity to visit for a weekend, spend time with everyone, since, you know, school work wasn't as demanding as it had been that last month and all. So I call up my parents, tell them I could come over that weekend, and that very friday, on the 18th of November, I got home pretty late in the evening, and everything was just like it always was. My mom was happy to see me, my brother just grunted a 'hello' before disappearing into his bedroom. Everything was normal. The saturday that followed was as normal as ever, too. The same old routine; breakfast, watch TV together, brother isolated in his room again. Lunch, more TV, same shit with my brother. Same old when supper came around.
And then I went to my room, fired up the computer, spent the night chatting away with my friend. She fell asleep at around 8pm that night, so I spent a few hours watching funny stuff, like MiniLadd's Cards Against Humanity videos or VanossGaming's Gmod stuff. And then, at about midnight, my mom comes to my room and tells me that 'we need to talk,' which she then goes to tell my brother, too. I had no idea what she wanted to talk about. All I remember was this look of... Sadness, I guess, in her eyes. I didn't know what to make of that, so I just didn't say anything, went upstairs. My dad was awake, too. He didn't speak at all, he just sat in his chair as he always does, and he just looked at me and my brother as we walked up the stairs and sat down in the livingroom with him and my mom. I remember my brother asking "So, what did you want to talk to us about?" and the strange, almost awkward silence that came right after.
That's when she told us that she and my dad were getting divorced.
Now, I know, it's going to sound stupid. But I guess I went through three or four of the five stages of grief. All in under ten minutes. At first, I felt angry. And then I was sad. It felt like I was on a rollercoaster of emotions, and even now, just writing about how it felt to hear that, I'm going right back into it. The same emotions that I went through when my parents told us the news.
I'm still struggling to accept that this is happening to my family. I know that if this makes my parents happier than they are now, then so be it, divorce and be done with it. That's what they want; they want to stop this entire thing before everything turns to shit, so that they can still be in good terms. But I have a hard time telling myself that one day, I left my home and everything seemed fine, and then a month later, the night before I go back, my parents are getting a divorce. I can't seem to wrap my head around the concept of soon being in a situation where I have to choose if this weekend I'll be going at my mother's place or my father's place. It's strange to me because I grew up with parents who always told me that we would all stay together. It's weird to me because all my life, if I saw people getting divorced, like, my friends' parents for example, they divorced when they were in elementary school. None of them went through this kind of thing in highschool or later grades than that.
Storywise, that's it. Emotions-wise, I'm still going.
So. This entire thing is on the brink of making me have a mental breakdown. Let's list off the reasons why, shall we?
I'm sorry if this kind of shit is redundant, I know it is. It's just that, this is one of the only places where I know I can express myself freely and most likely no one (except some of you guys who actually read journals xD) will see and/or judge me.
So, I'm finally getting around to explaining why I'm on hiatus right now. I don't know how many of you wondered why, and I'm not here to find out. I just want to talk about it because this shit is getting heavy on my heart and I need to put it out there, to make myself feel better.
My life is pretty shitty these days. I've been overwhelmed with school stuff (I've just finished my first semester of university, and damn is it demanding) for the last 3½ months or so, Christmas doesn't feel like Christmas anymore, my parents are getting divorced, we're selling the house, and even if the family is still in good terms with everyone, nothing feels the same.
I study in Montréal. It's a big city, and I love it. It's located at an approximately three-hour drive from my home. Because of the distance, I often spend two, sometimes three weeks or more at a time in that city, living in an appartment with my roommate. All that's fine, she's cool and all. She took me to see an Imagine Dragons concert once, when one of her friends couldn't go. But that's not where I'm going with this.
So, at some point in this semester, I had spent about a month away from home. All I could do to keep contact with my family through that time was to call or text them. I couldn't go see them since I don't have my own vehicle (as owning a car in Montréal is basically BEGGING to be caught in traffic or hit by some rage-stricken drivers) and my parents couldn't come down to see me on weekends, since they were busy with stuff. And, as I mentioned earlier, a month after my last visit home, I was finally given the opportunity to visit for a weekend, spend time with everyone, since, you know, school work wasn't as demanding as it had been that last month and all. So I call up my parents, tell them I could come over that weekend, and that very friday, on the 18th of November, I got home pretty late in the evening, and everything was just like it always was. My mom was happy to see me, my brother just grunted a 'hello' before disappearing into his bedroom. Everything was normal. The saturday that followed was as normal as ever, too. The same old routine; breakfast, watch TV together, brother isolated in his room again. Lunch, more TV, same shit with my brother. Same old when supper came around.
And then I went to my room, fired up the computer, spent the night chatting away with my friend. She fell asleep at around 8pm that night, so I spent a few hours watching funny stuff, like MiniLadd's Cards Against Humanity videos or VanossGaming's Gmod stuff. And then, at about midnight, my mom comes to my room and tells me that 'we need to talk,' which she then goes to tell my brother, too. I had no idea what she wanted to talk about. All I remember was this look of... Sadness, I guess, in her eyes. I didn't know what to make of that, so I just didn't say anything, went upstairs. My dad was awake, too. He didn't speak at all, he just sat in his chair as he always does, and he just looked at me and my brother as we walked up the stairs and sat down in the livingroom with him and my mom. I remember my brother asking "So, what did you want to talk to us about?" and the strange, almost awkward silence that came right after.
That's when she told us that she and my dad were getting divorced.
Now, I know, it's going to sound stupid. But I guess I went through three or four of the five stages of grief. All in under ten minutes. At first, I felt angry. And then I was sad. It felt like I was on a rollercoaster of emotions, and even now, just writing about how it felt to hear that, I'm going right back into it. The same emotions that I went through when my parents told us the news.
I'm still struggling to accept that this is happening to my family. I know that if this makes my parents happier than they are now, then so be it, divorce and be done with it. That's what they want; they want to stop this entire thing before everything turns to shit, so that they can still be in good terms. But I have a hard time telling myself that one day, I left my home and everything seemed fine, and then a month later, the night before I go back, my parents are getting a divorce. I can't seem to wrap my head around the concept of soon being in a situation where I have to choose if this weekend I'll be going at my mother's place or my father's place. It's strange to me because I grew up with parents who always told me that we would all stay together. It's weird to me because all my life, if I saw people getting divorced, like, my friends' parents for example, they divorced when they were in elementary school. None of them went through this kind of thing in highschool or later grades than that.
Storywise, that's it. Emotions-wise, I'm still going.
So. This entire thing is on the brink of making me have a mental breakdown. Let's list off the reasons why, shall we?
- The first reason: The timing wasn't the best. I was preparing for final projects, getting some work done, and that weekend was one of the rare ones I had to relax and just spend time with the people I care for.
- The second reason: The first semester of university is most often one of the most stressful ones. I had no idea what I was getting into, and even by the end of it, it was still confusing to me. What made it worse was that I had problems with a lot of things in that specific time.
- The third reason: So, this one might sound really stupid. But the third reason why I was just about to have a mental breakdown when I learned about all this was because I had just spent about a month alone, working on projects and barely seeing anyone or doing anything outside of school.
My emotions were all over the place. One minute I had been happy, the next I was sad. I spent a whole week after that crying myself to sleep because I got so overwhelmed by everything happening around me that I just couldn't take it anymore. Last weekend, on the night of sunday through monday, I was stuck at school with a friend of mine, and we both talked about our problems and, I guess I just couldn't keep it in anymore. I cried so much that night that I barely made it to my deadlines for the two projects I had stayed to work on. And even though it had been about three weeks since I had learned for my parents' divorce, I was still realizing things then that made the situation all that much worse in my eyes.
I had started thinking about how different everything would be. Not seeing my dad home when I go to my mother's house, or vice-versa. Not seeing my dad home for Christmas at my mom's, or not seeing her for Christmas at my dad's. My grandmother not living with us anymore. No more New Years' with the entire family. No more fun nights out with both my parents. No more hanging out at home and watching movies together. You know, the little things I was so used to doing my entire life. And now that I realize that all this is going to end... I don't know, it just feels like I haven't enjoyed these moments as much as I should have.
I think that is going to be my single biggest regret in life. Not enjoying the time I had with everyone together as much as I should have. I'm going to miss these trips we used to go on at times. Like the time we went to Disneyworld back in 2010, where my mom was being adorable because my brother and I were holding hands while waiting excitedly in line to go on the Little Mermaid attraction. Or like the weekends we used to go camping and play cards all together. Or just plain sitting down in the livingroom watching movies together.
Anyway. Even though I guess some of you can understand the sadness that's been overwhelming me for the better part of my holidays until now, there are no words that can correctly or accurately depict the way my heart has been hurting ever since I've learned about this whole thing. I know it's best to let my parents do as they like, but a part of me just won't forgive them for this, I guess.
And that, my friends, is the reason I'm on hiatus.
To get my thoughts and feelings in check.
I had started thinking about how different everything would be. Not seeing my dad home when I go to my mother's house, or vice-versa. Not seeing my dad home for Christmas at my mom's, or not seeing her for Christmas at my dad's. My grandmother not living with us anymore. No more New Years' with the entire family. No more fun nights out with both my parents. No more hanging out at home and watching movies together. You know, the little things I was so used to doing my entire life. And now that I realize that all this is going to end... I don't know, it just feels like I haven't enjoyed these moments as much as I should have.
I think that is going to be my single biggest regret in life. Not enjoying the time I had with everyone together as much as I should have. I'm going to miss these trips we used to go on at times. Like the time we went to Disneyworld back in 2010, where my mom was being adorable because my brother and I were holding hands while waiting excitedly in line to go on the Little Mermaid attraction. Or like the weekends we used to go camping and play cards all together. Or just plain sitting down in the livingroom watching movies together.
Anyway. Even though I guess some of you can understand the sadness that's been overwhelming me for the better part of my holidays until now, there are no words that can correctly or accurately depict the way my heart has been hurting ever since I've learned about this whole thing. I know it's best to let my parents do as they like, but a part of me just won't forgive them for this, I guess.
And that, my friends, is the reason I'm on hiatus.
To get my thoughts and feelings in check.
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ART THEFT!! PLEASE HELP
2 min read
GUYS I NEED YOUR HELP PLEASE
I've seen a fellow deviant, Drackky, post on her journal about how a certain website was selling her art. So I've become curious and went to see... and it turns out they're selling mine too! I'll link every one of my pieces that have been put up for sale on that website. Please do report them, for they DO NOT have my permission or the right to sell MY ART, OR ANYONE ELSE'S! I encourage you to verify if you find anything that is yours on this damned website ><
payposter.com/poster/crossedfa…
payposter.com/poster/crossedfa…
payposter.com/poster/crossedfa…
payposter.com/poster/crossover…
payposter.com/poster/hanji-zoe…
payposter.com/poster/zelda-oc-…
payposter.com/poster/jack-skel…
payposter.com/poster/isabel-ma…
payposter.com/poster/hanji-zoe…
Also I want to warn my good friend SushiOkita that I've found her art on this website as well ><
Please help combat this, these people DO NOT HAVE PERMISSION to sell mine or anyone else's art and I need as many people as possible to report these ><
Thank you for your help ;-;
I've seen a fellow deviant, Drackky, post on her journal about how a certain website was selling her art. So I've become curious and went to see... and it turns out they're selling mine too! I'll link every one of my pieces that have been put up for sale on that website. Please do report them, for they DO NOT have my permission or the right to sell MY ART, OR ANYONE ELSE'S! I encourage you to verify if you find anything that is yours on this damned website ><
payposter.com/poster/crossedfa…
payposter.com/poster/crossedfa…
payposter.com/poster/crossedfa…
payposter.com/poster/crossover…
payposter.com/poster/hanji-zoe…
payposter.com/poster/zelda-oc-…
payposter.com/poster/jack-skel…
payposter.com/poster/isabel-ma…
payposter.com/poster/hanji-zoe…
Also I want to warn my good friend SushiOkita that I've found her art on this website as well ><
Please help combat this, these people DO NOT HAVE PERMISSION to sell mine or anyone else's art and I need as many people as possible to report these ><
Thank you for your help ;-;
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My teacher's gone nuts
5 min read
Alright folks, it's time for a bit of a rant on my part.
I'm so sick and tired of everything right now. Thank the gods tomorrow is the last school day of the week, and I get five days off and at home with my family (and a bonus meal of Shawarma tomorrow night, hehe). I just want to sleep. Of course, a program such as Visual Arts does NOT give you such an opportunity.
Before I go into details, you guys need to know a tidbit of info about me. I'm not a very organized person in real life. I'm a very calm and laidback person, but when stress hits me, the pressure's on. So this might come off as an obvious problem, but no, it's not. Fellow students whom I know personally are in the same situation as I am.
My first two terms in the Visual Arts program were mostly fine. I got my work done on time and it was pretty easy. But this term is the worst of them all. We have so many different projects to create and hand in, orals to prepare, exams to take, it's almost nauseating just to think about it. Sprinkle in a few projects with instructions so vague that you have no idea what to do, teachers that become horrible as soon as something isn't the way they like or want it, a few completely sleepless nights slaving away on projects that need to be finished for the next day because you don't have other moments to work on them, and you get yourself the basic outline of the damned hellhole I lauched myself into this term.
Thank the gods though that there are only a few weeks left. Then I get about two months vacation until january. I'm happy about that.
But those damned projects... Seriously, I spent all night yesterday just drawing and drawing and drawing to finish a project that was due today. The week before, the teacher nearly yelled at me because I did the following things:
I'm so sick and tired of everything right now. Thank the gods tomorrow is the last school day of the week, and I get five days off and at home with my family (and a bonus meal of Shawarma tomorrow night, hehe). I just want to sleep. Of course, a program such as Visual Arts does NOT give you such an opportunity.
Before I go into details, you guys need to know a tidbit of info about me. I'm not a very organized person in real life. I'm a very calm and laidback person, but when stress hits me, the pressure's on. So this might come off as an obvious problem, but no, it's not. Fellow students whom I know personally are in the same situation as I am.
My first two terms in the Visual Arts program were mostly fine. I got my work done on time and it was pretty easy. But this term is the worst of them all. We have so many different projects to create and hand in, orals to prepare, exams to take, it's almost nauseating just to think about it. Sprinkle in a few projects with instructions so vague that you have no idea what to do, teachers that become horrible as soon as something isn't the way they like or want it, a few completely sleepless nights slaving away on projects that need to be finished for the next day because you don't have other moments to work on them, and you get yourself the basic outline of the damned hellhole I lauched myself into this term.
Thank the gods though that there are only a few weeks left. Then I get about two months vacation until january. I'm happy about that.
But those damned projects... Seriously, I spent all night yesterday just drawing and drawing and drawing to finish a project that was due today. The week before, the teacher nearly yelled at me because I did the following things:
- I asked politely if I could start my project over again because I really hated the result I was getting. I mean, if I'm going to work on something, at least I'd like to be motivated by it because I like it. Teacher kept nagging me all day (last monday) and the day after about how I was 'heading into a wall' and about how I was 'gonna hit the wall' with an expression that, might I say, seemed extremely satisfied at that idea. Ended up finishing the thing at 6am this morning and sleeping for one hour.
- I asked another question regarding our next project (long story short, the project involves drawing something on a map of a city, country, continent or roadmaps), about where I could find a paper map. I explained that my family doesn't use maps at all and that I couldn't go home that weekend (because I'm in residency and my home is a two-hour car ride away and my parents say it costs a lot in gas to come get me every weekend (also, my parents only use a GPS when we travel, so no maps back home either way). The teacher literally looked at me as if I was somekind of alien before cutting me off and saying "I'm not answering a question like that, I hate questions like that" and so on so forth. I got yelled at in front of my classmates for not knowing where I can get a fucking map.
- And then we have the third time he yelled at me. An other student that I know from my two prior terms in the arts department came up during the class to give the teacher his finished project, and he heard the man going on about how he wouldn't answer a question about not being able to find a map. The student then proceeded to argue for me that not everyone is in possession of one or more, and that people these days tend to use a GPS (like my family does). I thank my friend for supporting me. Cue teacher turning to face me and berate me about how I 'need to think about what I say' and 'keep thoughts like that to myself' and how I 'shouldn't be thanking the guy for supporting my point of view'.
It took me days to cool off from that incident. I was in complete and utter shock. I wasn't doing anything wrong, I just asked some questions about things because I didn't like the piece I was working on and I didn't know where to find a fucking map. I didn't want to ask a friend for one because I knew I'd feel cheap for not finding my own. And the teacher. The man is nice in NORMAL circumstances. But as soon as something seems too stupid to him he turns batshit crazy, as I've mentionned earlier.
At least I have good friends who support and help me through these things. But that teacher... I hope I don't have any classes with him next term. I don't really appreciate being berated just because I don't know where to get a fucking map.
Like, chill, please.
At least I have good friends who support and help me through these things. But that teacher... I hope I don't have any classes with him next term. I don't really appreciate being berated just because I don't know where to get a fucking map.
Like, chill, please.
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Updates ft. Cosplan 2017
3 min read
Hello dearies!
I'm so, SO sorry I haven't been updating as much these days. I have lots of school projects in the works and close to no inspiration at all for drawing or writing. ;v; I've also been a wreck for a while now, between two or three long colds and a very severe one that had me on bedrest for two days, to projects keeping me up all night long... Yeah, let's just say it's been horrible. At least we're halfway through my semester, so I should be doing okay until the end of the year.
Anyway! I'm planning a few cosplays for next year's conventions! I hope to make at least three of these happen next year, since I don't have much budget, but I'll be focusing on one in particular since the plan has been made for nearly a year now. xD
I'm so, SO sorry I haven't been updating as much these days. I have lots of school projects in the works and close to no inspiration at all for drawing or writing. ;v; I've also been a wreck for a while now, between two or three long colds and a very severe one that had me on bedrest for two days, to projects keeping me up all night long... Yeah, let's just say it's been horrible. At least we're halfway through my semester, so I should be doing okay until the end of the year.
Anyway! I'm planning a few cosplays for next year's conventions! I hope to make at least three of these happen next year, since I don't have much budget, but I'll be focusing on one in particular since the plan has been made for nearly a year now. xD
- Rin Kagamine - Daughter of Evil Ft. RinkuRose as my cute Len~ ♥
- Kogitsunemaru (genderbent) - Touken Ranbu
- Sailor Moon/Usagi Tsukino - Sailor Moon (Art Nouveau redesign that I'll link later)
- Navi - Ocarina of Time
And there's the list! It's not much, I know xD But I want to take my time making these, that's why. I'm only a beginner when it comes to sewing, so making cosplays like this is a long process, and I want to give my everything to make them as accurate and pretty as possible! Especially for my Rin and Kogi' ♥
I also included Navi in there because sadly, my group and I were not able to finish all the cosplays on time for the con' we were supposed to wear them at.
My main focus this next year will be my Rin and Kogitsunemaru, since they are my two most important projects (Rin being for my duo with RinkuRose and Kogi' being for another project I have with SushiOkita huehue). I have hope that I'll be able to make these next year! The only cosplay I've done myself took me two weeks to complete... But it was worth it in my eyes, since I was so proud of myself when I wore it. To more experienced cosplayers, my costume must have been horrible. xD But I still loved it! Hopefully, my Rin and my Kogi' will be even better! ;v;
I also included Navi in there because sadly, my group and I were not able to finish all the cosplays on time for the con' we were supposed to wear them at.
My main focus this next year will be my Rin and Kogitsunemaru, since they are my two most important projects (Rin being for my duo with RinkuRose and Kogi' being for another project I have with SushiOkita huehue). I have hope that I'll be able to make these next year! The only cosplay I've done myself took me two weeks to complete... But it was worth it in my eyes, since I was so proud of myself when I wore it. To more experienced cosplayers, my costume must have been horrible. xD But I still loved it! Hopefully, my Rin and my Kogi' will be even better! ;v;
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